Aren't some of the emails you receive just so terrible you're annoyed with yourself for clicking to open, and even more annoyed with the sender for wasting your time?
Wouldn't it be fun to put them all up in front of the American Idol judges and see which ones the American public would vote off the show?
An email I received this morning inspired this post...
10 Reasons Your Email Would Be Voted Off American Idol
1. The subject title is not grammatically correct.
Punctuation and grammar apply here too. Not to mention it should grab my attention and make me interested enough to invite you into my Inbox next week.
2. You don't even greet me with hello.
Yes, an initial greeting.
"Hi," "Hello," "Hope you are well," -- Even something in a foreign language would be nice. You don't have to announce it like Ryan Seacrest.
3. It's ugly.
We're talking no use of color, tons of text, and even a plain, boxy border around it. This looks like cereal box ingredients. Boring...yucky!
Short and sweet can do black and white. Tons of text needs something to break things up and draw interest.
Gimme some hues of the rainbow. Maybe different font sizes. And don't forget your bold & italics functions. Put some sequins on the outfit!
4. You're not using your resources.
Did I really catch you using an email marketing program and there are no graphics or social media plug-ins?
This is the equivalent of being invited on the American Idol stage and choosing your weakest number. BOOO!
5. You don't know the difference between "you're" & "your."
Other similar misuses: They're/their/there. I know your teachers went over these in school. There was a reason why. And not because Spellcheck doesn't catch all of your errors!
If you can't take time to proof your work, why should I take time to read your message?
6. You use the word, "Guru."
G is also for gag, gaggy, and grrrrr. I loathe this word. So do many others. It's over-used. Even Randy Jackson's American Idol advisors are coaching him away from the phrase, "In it to win it!"
Use your language.
7. Your point is unclear. 
If I have to read half of your entire message to come up with a probable point, you've wasted my time. Quit rambling and get over yourself.
Simon Cowell would say that you will not be back next week.
8. Your communication doesn't measure up to your great URL.
Can you hear Jennifer Lopez describing what you have to do to stay in the competition?
Fact - The Inbox is a competition for the mouse click and open. So far, your email is a thud.
Why purchase a killer domain if the rest of your messaging is karoake?
9. All I receive from you are messages to sell me "opportunities."
Some social media experts say that your information-to-sell ratio (delicious content: sales message) should be twelve to one (12:1). I tend to believe that email marketing should go by about the same rule of thumb.
So, if all you do sell-sell-sell me, I'm simply going to delete-delete-delete you.
I don't even have to call in, or text a groovy word or number somewhere.
10. Every email from you is a "must read."
Really? Is everything your organization does sooooo important that nearly all messages I receive should be titled "MUST READ?"
I'm going to go out on a limb here and venture a guess that not even Lady Gaga does that.
How about a varied-purpose strategy?
- Informational.
- Thanks.
- Industry updates.
- Etc.
- The urgent alert (when it is called for).
It's worth a try!
On prime-time television Steven Tyler said, "...Lets #*@% a duck and see what hatches," and people kept watching American Idol. ;)
I bet your email audience would open your emails more often if you utilized a strategy!
Too harsh?
How many emails do you receive like the one I described above?
Please tell me your thoughts and anything I missed below!
Image credits: celebritydailypost.com & biographyworld.net.
